November 28th 1881
My family’s castle
Scotland
11/28/81
Dawn
Dear Journal,
I am worried for Sebastian’s recovery; the very idea that he would not wait for Anastasia’s return is beyond fathomable. I personally instructed him to wait for as long as it took. It was the first time he has disobeyed me. My anger and new found physical strength, was a deadly combination. I thank the wretched demon that dwells within me that he will survive. For his death by my hand would have unleashed a guilt as forbidding as the one I feel for daring to ask Lissa to join me here, in a place forgotten by my family.
Ah my faithful Sebastian, you know my heart and I beat you for having that knowledge. I am a monster, a monster who craves company. The unspeakable acts in my rage tonight, left a trail of corpses in the alleyway of drunkards. The thought of Clarisse seeing let alone joining is too much of a burden to bear. I should run from this place and leave not a word, only a note for my love to take in Sebastian and give him purpose; for without his purpose he is a lost man.
And what of my purpose, how can there be such a purpose? I took the lives of several innocents tonight, and watched a few drops of my blood bring a man back to life; a man who has been a father as well as companion. And what of my own father, who I have yet to contact; what could I say that would make sense. To speak the truth, would only be an abomination in his Christian eyes. No, I fear I will leave him with the mystery, as cruel as that appears on the page. I can only see one ending for me; an ending befitting a monster.
I feel the dawn approach; I must check in on my faithful servent once more, rest and pay my penance in the morrow with wide eyes and an open, blackened heart.
A.M.
